That Quiet Space

“Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland.”

-Isaiah 43:18-19

Though the calendar is not officially turning to the season of fall, the weather these days in eastern PA, especially the evening hours, indicate that fall is approaching and will soon be upon us.

There are definite life indicators for us here in the U.S. that fall is soon arriving:

-School supply shopping is happening

-School buses out and about taking dry runs

-Some students (and many parents, lol) actually ready to return to school

-Teachers readying their classrooms

….and then you have what my husband and I are experiencing, along with so many other parents: Dropping your college-aged child off on campus.

If you were to scroll through the parents’ page for our son’s university dorm you’d see parents lamenting all kinds of variations of, “We’re coming this week, but I’m just not ready for this to happen!!”

Ready or not, here it comes.

We did “College Drop Off, Take 2” today for our youngest child. 

He was one of those unfortunate students that started college in the height of the pandemic, fall 2020.

Many students managed to navigate through it, especially if their school of choice continued with in person classes. 

College is a major life transition to begin with, but to add to it adjusting as a freshman living in isolation w/out much opportunity to make new friends? (challenging in “normal” times!) 

Well…. 

Many, many students did not do so well in an isolated, dorm-room-only-environment.

They were in completely new, uncharted territory.

No other modern generation had started their college education during a pandemic.

So very many of them have needed a reset of sorts, and what a good thing resets are!

-a second chance

-a new opportunity

-new possibilities w/new  potential

So as I sat in the car by myself in the university parking lot after that one last hug, scrolling through my phone….

When you don’t want to oleave, but know that you must.

I thought about this college drop off, reflecting on the “Whens….”

When the car was fully loaded and nothing was left to do, but to leave and drive to the campus.

When you drove to the university, and your eyes and heart marked, “30 miles until we’re there… then 20 miles, then 10, then 5….then the highway exit…” 

When the lump in your throat forms, and the tears don’t come, but their sting most certainly does.

When you unpack their things and you’re finished way too fast…

When upon the arrival of that dreaded time to leave, you extend in a whisper the invitation, “Want to have a cup of coffee before I go?” 

When you hold your breath waiting for their reply, truly unsure what their response would be, as you realize they want to begin their college experience in an environment they’d been robbed of during the pandemic…..

When you can breathe when they respond with, “Sure, we can go to Starbucks…”

When you give that final hug, and say that “I love you, have a great semester!”

When you walk to your car, get inside, and think about the house you’ll walk into with the many reminders they are no longer there.

When your husband texts you to ask how you are, and you reply, “A little teary, but hopeful. Definitely not a good time to talk.” 

(Because you know if you do you will immediately spill into what I call the “ugly” cry).

When you don’t want to leave, but know that you must.

When you are thankful that you are here, that your child is here, to experience these “Whens,” because people you know and love are not able to.

When you get teary-eyed and choke up, yet your heart is just so full and spilling over with gratitude to God for fresh starts and second chances and new opportunities in place of missed opportunities.

God says: “Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland.”

I am SO grateful to God, Who made a new way for our son through a pandemic wilderness into a stream of new dreams!

Who by His mercy and power and grace can bring beauty from any mound of ashes. 

Jesus is the God of hope!

And today, while I deeply miss my youngest, my response to my husband rings true in my heart:

“A little teary, but hopeful.”

I think we all need hope, no matter what our circumstances are.

I hope and pray you know the God of Hope, Jesus Christ.

A definition I found online says this about biblical hope: 

“Biblical Hope is forward-looking faith. It is a confident belief, based not on things experienced, but on the word of God that the future He says will happen. Hope is a future certainty that gives you joy, peace, and patience in the present.” (finallyfamilyhomes.org)

My eternal hope lies in Christ.

But my hope for today, for my son, is the hope of a fresh start, of a new chapter, of a blank page.

So that Quiet Space that’s now in our home?

It’s a good thing, because it indicates that God is doing a NEW THING. 

And God’s ways are always the best ways.

If your heart is even a little heavy because of The College Drop Off, push through to your next task, your next day, into your new normal. 

Maybe you can relate to these feelings in different circumstances with your child.

Remember- New Normals make room for unseen and unexpected joys.

And New Things that only God can bring!

I’m learning time passes so very quickly and I’m learning to embrace and cherish the “Whens.”

Seasons change in nature, and seasons change in our lives.

As I climbed up my stairs this evening to head for bed, I realized I wouldn’t be going into Will’s room tonight to give him a hug and kiss and tell him goodnight…..

While my heartstrings tug, I remember Will is experiencing a new beginning and that God is doing a new thing. 🙂

And I’m thankful.

I’ll leave you with one of my favorite New Beginning songs, “Here Comes the Sun”:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bA1SQpmXR4g

Watermark Moments

The LORD will work out His plans for my life—for your faithful love, O LORD, endures forever.Don’t abandon me, for you made me.-Psalm 138:8

Celebrating 31 years of marriage today to Patrick!

Anniversaries & birthdays have become, for me, celebrations of God’s faithfulness and times to pause and consider the “watermark” moments of my life…Those moments that leave imprints on your heart and soul, that change you in ways that might be seen outwardly, but might only be evident inwardly, just between God and me. 

Since the summer of 2018, our wedding anniversary takes me back to two watermark days that summer. 

Neither day is “That Saturday in July,” (read here ) (view here) but the two days that became watermark days in my life because of That Saturday in July— 1) the day we closed on our new house and 2) the day we dropped Ryan off at Penn State for his senior year.  

I suspect those will forever future forward be days that I mark in celebration each wedding anniversary we’re blessed to mark, as those were two days I wondered about, I prayed about, I asked God about repeatedly during that waiting week in July…Would I be closing on that house by myself? Would I be driving Ryan to Penn State by myself this school year?  Taking time to reflect on the watermark times leaves room for us to remember God’s faithfulness.

God is faithful, always, no matter the outcome. He has been faithful throughout our marriage in too many ways to count….The wedding day is simply the kick off day that propels you through the days that speed up ever so quickly as the days & years fly by…Memories filled with celebrations, challenges, hurdles, milestones, easy times, hard times, in between times….arguments, times to forgive, times of joy, scary times, babies born, moves, vacations, trips, raising babies….I could go on….but somehow, inexplicably, the days go by so very, fast, and among those days are memories and watermarks.

So we celebrate today, 31 years of marriage-God’s faithfulness evident throughout, even before we knew the Lord Jesus Christ as our Savior & Lord….I remember & celebrate these watermark moments—-I can look back and see He was there all of the time. Coming to know Jesus, and all He has done, and all He is doing….this is the greatest blessing we both are able to celebrate today. A groom, a bride—joined together, not having a clue what goes before them, but gratefully, knowing now, that God went & still goes before them, no matter the outcome. 

Thank You, Lord, for the watermark times. 

Thank You, Lord, for 31 years, for as I know many who read this know, tomorrow isn’t promised. 

Thank You, Lord, for your faithfulness. Thank you for the hope we have through Jesus Christ, “the hope,” to quote my pastor, “that will never disappoint.”

I love you, Patrick. Looking forward to the tomorrows and adventures God blesses us with.

P.S. I recently discovered this sweet song by The Afters, and thought it was fitting- “When You’re With Me.” You can listen on Spotify here if you’d like: https://open.spotify.com/track/0KMeuFMMEZ0vyTXnT8LAg0?si=zoWHNtk3RU6kUU5a12xwnQ

When It’s Time to Let Them Fly

 

Now that you have welcomed the Anointed One, Jesus the Lord, into your lives, continue to journey with Him and allow Him to shape your lives. Let your roots grow down deeply in Him, and let Him build you up on a firm foundation. Be strong in the faith, just as you were taught, and always spill over with thankfulness. —Colossians 2:6-7

My husband and I are currently on the road, heading home early from our beach vacation so we can take our youngest son to college tomorrow.  That’s correct, our baby boy who is no longer a baby, but an almost 19 year old young man.  You’ve likely heard it a gazillion times, but time really does fly!

 

 

Our oldest child, Emily, permanently flew the coop in May of 2017, literally the Wednesday after she graduated from college, and our middle child, Ryan, recently graduated with his master’s degree and will soon be starting his first post college job.

It hit me hard just two weeks ago that our baby, Will, was heading off as he and I did the getting-ready-to-go-to college-thing in the midst of the COVID pandemic.  It meant shipping most of his things instead hauling them ourselves. It meant knowing that plans to actually go to college can change on a dime (and still might even the day before leaving!). Yes, even in these uncharted pandemic waters I managed to live in the world we mamas live in—“Yes, they’re graduating and I’m preparing them to leave home, but I can do this and live in the land of denial at the same time” world. 

HA.

This meant that the reality that the baby was old enough to leave the nest was fast approaching, and that our home would enter yet again into another new normal.

You may think differently, but my experience has been it’s different with boys, the leaving-for-college-thing. It’s not as busy with “what you need to bring” as it is with   girls—boys usually just want to bring the basics. It’s also different in that they’re beginning to express that unique independence from their parents that I think God has planted within them as part of their nature….and that is a good thing.

I wrote a blog post when our daughter left for college, which you can find HERE, if you’re so inclined.  

I’m writing one now for my “boys,” as both are preparing to fly the nest….

I want them to know that it’s a good thing to fly— it’s good to leave the home nest to learn and to grow and to explore and to live life. There is so much to see, and so much to do in living not just for ourselves, but with purpose that walks into the world boldly. Bold enough not only to give voice to the injustices, but to find your place in helping rid the world of injustice, because this life isn’t about chasing the American Dream; it’s about how we can use what God has blessed us with to make this world a better place, wherever we land after leaving the nest. It is my prayer that my children’s lives are lived in such a way that others will see Christ in them, and be stirred to know more because they see lives that look different because they know God loves them and they love God. The by-product of this kind of living is a fruitful life that makes an eternal difference.

I’m encouraged greatly by my children’s generations. They see a broken world through lenses that are not like my generation and generations before me, and they are not content with complacency and apathy.  It’s important to them in so many choices they make in day-to-day living, whether it’s the clothing they buy, the vehicle they drive, the places they live, the causes they support, the career paths they take. They seem to sincerely care about people they know and people they don’t know, God’s image bearers, in unconditional ways. I’m encouraged because they want to be a part of fixing the brokenness, and that is such a very good thing!

Fixing brokenness reflecting the heart of a loving, gracious, compassionate and kind God who sent His Son into the world to save us from sin, to invite us into a personal relationship with Jesus. His specialty is fixing brokenness. Oh, how I pray that these generations rise up to be the Church the world longs to see-– a Church that reflects the heart and love of God, that rises up in His power to show and speak the love of Christ to others! This is a Church that wraps itself in the love of Christ, not in an ideology, not in a doctrinal stance, not in a political party, but agape LOVE.  God says in His Word  

 ^“Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.” (Colossians 3:12-14)

So while my mama’s heart strings are pulling hard today, and I’m quite certain the tears will be flowing tomorrow at college drop off (the ugly cry may even make an appearance, ha ha), my mama’s heart also knows it’s time to let them fly, to live their lives, to go out to make this place better in the ways the Lord leads them.  

Parents know and their children know when it’s time for them fly—to hold them back would be the equivalent to binding their wings, keeping them from doing and experiencing what God has for them, which is my ultimate mama’s prayer, that they would soar as God intends them to soar, wherever He beckons them to soar. It’s an opportunity for us as parents to entrust them to the One who loves them exponentially more than we do. It’s a win-win.  

It’s good for our children to leave our nest to fly.

It’s not the end. It’s just a new beginning.

Hopefully it’s a nest they’ll want to return to for visits.  

New normals are made, new memories are made, and this mama’s heart is FULL, and thankful to the Lord for choosing me to be their mama. ♥️🙌🏽

The seasons of life may be different, but God’s goodness is in the midst of all of them.

 

     I love a good song! This one is for my boys ❤️

“Forever Young”

May the good Lord be with you down every road you roam.
And may sunshine and happiness surround you when you’re far from home.
And my you grow to be proud, dignified and true.
And do unto others as you’d have done to you.
Be courageous and be brave.
And in my heart you’ll always stayForever young. (Forever young)
Forever young. (Forever young)May good fortune be with you, may your guiding light be strong,
Build a stairway to heaven with a prince or a vagabond.
And may you never love in vain.
And in my heart you will remainForever young. (Forever young)
Forever young. (Forever young)
Forever young. Forever youngAnd when you fin’lly fly away, I’ll be hoping that I served you well.
For all the wisdom of a lifetime, no one can ever tell.
But whatever road you choose, I’m right behind you win or lose,Forever young. (Forever young)
Forever young. (Forever young)
Forever young. Forever young
For forever young

Songwriters: Bob Dylan / Jim Cregan / Kevin Savigar / Rod Stewart

Lessons Learned From a Champ

For all the animals of the forest are Mine, and I own the cattle on a thousand hills. I know every bird on the mountains, and all the animals of the field are Mine. -Psalm 50:10-11

I love dogs. I’m a dog person. I’m so very grateful God made a world that has dogs! I’ve written about my dogs before, and yes, I believe the way they love unconditionally is an very small picture of God’s love for humanity snapshot on earth, because I’ve seen snapshots of His character throughout His Creation.

We had to say goodbye to another beloved pet last week, our sweet boy, Rocky. Watching his decline, I again told God how much I hated sin, brokenness, sickness & suffering in the world.

We only had Rocky as part of our home for 8 months and 18 days, but he found a way into our hearts very quickly.

Rocky was a rescue- he was rescued from a 9 year life of extreme neglect. He was left outside on a chain, all the time, for all of his life.

We started the search for our 2^nd dog, and found Rocky at the 2^nd rescue we’d applied to. We were the 2^nd family in line. The first family had gone off to look at other dogs after meeting “Gunner,” as he’d been named.

I walked around and around, until I finally saw him in his crate. I went up to him, and talked with him, then I walked around to find someone who could help me meet him.

When I came back, he was no longer in his crate, so I wandered again, looking at the other dogs….I found out there was another younger schnauzer named Solomon there.

He was cute, but I still wanted to meet Gunner.

I was finally taken back to the room where Gunner was with his foster. I think it was love at first sight! He was such a sweet boy, but definitely scared, and unlike any dog I’d ever met. The only way I could describe him is that he was like a statue. It made me so sad.

Yet, I knew he had to go home with me….I loved him from the get go!  I made it clear that I wanted Gunner, and the rescue didn’t even go back to the other family. He was mine!

I went through the necessary paperwork, then quickly went off to the pet store to buy the things he would need.

I walked him outside, put him in the seat next to me, scratched his ears, talked sweetly to him, then we were off to his new home!

When he got there, his first important meeting was with our other dog, Riley. The meeting went well, and though Gunner was shaking like crazy, Riley accepted him with relative ease. Whew.

Next came his name. After tossing a few around, my husband came up with “Rocky.” He was toothless, he was scrappy, and he was a fighter.  The name was perfect for him!

Our family’s mission was two-fold: To love him as he’d never been loved, and to teach him how to be a dog!  Our 8½ months may have been way shorter than we’d wanted, but we packed a whole lot of love in those months, and our sweet boy left us with some important lessons:

1. You’re never too old to learn.

Rocky was 9 years old when he came to us, but he did learn to be a dog, and we cheered each time he did things that dogs do. Things he didn’t do when he came to our home.

The first time we heard him bark, many weeks after he came to us, we rejoiced, because he’d finally found his voice. We laughed, because his bark was much more high pitched than we’d imagined!

Rocky had to learn to go up and down stairs….and he did it one treat at a time. This dog could have as many treats as he wanted as far as I was concerned…he had nine years of treats to make up for!

Rocky had to learn to come inside. He’d pause at the door, just standing there, as we’d call him to come in. “Rocky, you’re an inside dog now, come inside,” we’d coax. No more outside all the time for our sweet boy!

We also took Rocky to “school,” also known as doggie daycare. Here, he never quite got to the point of running around with the other dogs, but he did learn to walk around them and watch. He enjoyed going, and always pepped up when he realized where he was.

2. Look for joy in the simple things.

 Wow, did Rocky enjoy his meals!!! We’re not sure what his life was like before regarding eating.   We had to break him of eating rocks outside, and fluff from stuffed dog toys…..he seemed to scavenge a lot, but we would tell him those days were over.

We never saw a dog eat so quickly! We had to buy him what they call a “slow eater” bowl, so he wouldn’t get sick from eating so quickly. Those first few months, it was like he was eating his last meal. His little stump tail would wag as he waited, watching and , knowing we were getting his meal ready.

Up until the end with us, he looked forward to his meals. We were happy to treat him with Wendy’s hamburgers, if he’d eat them. This boy deserved only the best after the hard and horrible life he’d been subjected to.

Oh, and the doggie ice cream!! He was all over it- it always made us smile and laugh to see how much he enjoyed it, right up until the end. J

The other simple thing Rocky enjoyed was his walks. This little guy would respond quickly when he heard, “Who wants to go for a walk?” He’d often get up from wherever he was laying down, and go stand nose to the door, waiting.

A funny thing happened when he walked. We’d learned in June that Rocky had cancer. We knew the day would be coming soon for goodbye. But when he went for a walk, even in his statue days, it was like he was a DIFFERENT DOG! He had pep in his step, he’d lead the way, it seemed like he could walk forever! And of course, he’d stop at EVERY tree, to let any other passing dog know that he’d been there. We were happy to oblige him, knowing he had a lot of walking and marking to make up for. 😃

Tummy rubs were something that caught him off guard. It took quite a while just for him to trust enough for me to lay him over in my arms, when I’d gently scratch his tummy and talk to him.   We never were able to get him to enjoy them in such a way where he’d lay down and roll over in such a way as dogs do when you know they’re asking for them.

It was hard for him to relax. I suppose that was because he’d been conditioned not to relax. That’s one thing I think he learned to do, though, especially on nights where we’d gather in the family room to watch TV. He’d sit next to us, and just be with his family.

Simple. Sweet.

Rocky taught us how to find joy in the simple things. Oh, and yes, he eventually learned to enjoy dinner and eat more slowly. J

What was the the most important thing Rocky taught us?

3. It’s never too late to love and be loved.

Rocky came to us late in his life, but it wasn’t too late. This sweet and quiet little guy (he had a bell on his collar so we could keep track of where he was!) was someone everyone in the family fell in love with in their own way.

We could snuggle with him. We could carry him around. Rocky even did some dancing with Grandma! He got to the point where he had no problem walking over to one of us on the couch, expressing his desire to be pet.

We hope and pray we packed enough love into his 8 months and 18 days with us.

I can say he did his part in loving us in his Rocky way.

I miss going outside with him every morning.

I miss having him sit near me as I spend my quiet time with God.

I miss having him wait at the door with his nose to the door for his walk.

I miss having him get just a little fired up sometimes on his walk when he’d see another dog, and bark “fiercely,” to protect us.

I miss having him snuggle by my feet every night at bedtime.

I just miss him.

It’s not the same as when we miss a person that we love. That cuts way deeper, as it should.

When we do lose a beloved pet, it definitely leaves a void. The heart hurts and tugs do lessen and fade with time.

But I’m reminded of our sin-filled and broken world where sickness, suffering, and death are present.

And then I’m happy to know the hope I have in Jesus Christ and the promise I can look forward to in Revelation 21:4:

He will wipe every tear from their eyes, and there will be no more death or sorrow or crying or pain. All these things are gone forever.”

 I don’t argue with other Christians about whether or not our pets will be in heaven. I’m just not gonna die on that hill.

You can google it, and even people who believe there will not be pets in heaven land on, “You know what, we really just don’t know.”

And then they’ll point out another promise. This promise God brought to my own mind when I wondered many years ago.

1 Corinthians 2:9:

However, as it is written: “No eye has seen, no ear has heard, no mind has conceived what God has prepared for those who love Him”

 And I love Jesus. I hope you do to.

Rocky was His, and we were blessed to have him for such a time as this.

“Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows.”

‭‭James‬ ‭1:17‬ ‭

If you don’t know Jesus, or do not have a biblical understanding of why He came to live in the realm of History, you can find out more about how to know Him here:

And here’s a book that I love to share with people when they’ve had to say goodbye to their beloved dog, you can find my favorite here.

(There’s a cat version too).

And so tonight, snuggle your dog or cat a little more.

Whenever I’ve had to say goodbye to my doggies, I hold them close, and whisper in their ear, just like I did with Rocky.

“So long, little buddy, my sweet boy. I love you! You’re such a good dog, you’re the best boy.

I love you.”

With his turkey toy

Rocky loved his brown bed

Learning to enjoy a chew toy

Going for a ride- maybe a puppacino at Starbucks?

 

Wrestling, Words & Wonder

Isaiah 43:19 is a favorite of mine:

“Listen carefully, I am about to do a new thing, Now it will spring forth; Will you not be aware of it? I will even put a road in the wilderness, Rivers in the desert.”

I LOVE this verse, because it’s a constant reminder to me that God is in the business of doing new things. He does things in ways our human minds could not even come up with or would not even consider.

He does things we can’t even begin to fathom.

… and He allows things to happen that we might not ever understand.

As I reflect on 2018, I find myself very much wrapped in that last statement….and I can’t help but consider how I could be closing out this year quite differently.

People often begin the new year with a word- something they want their new year to be about.

I thought my word was “abide,” but I discovered my true word of 2018 some time mid-year. My word was SOVEREIGN.

Merriam-Webster speaks of SOVEREIGN this way:

(adj.) “FREE, INDEPENDENT, AUTONOMOUS, meaning not subject to the rule or control of another.”

This means that in my worldview, I believe without any reservation that the triune God of the Bible, the God I worship, the God I have surrendered my life to, Father, Son & Spirit, has complete authority in this world, His world, the world He created.

I also believe that though He is sovereign, things don’t go perfectly in this world, because this world is broken and cursed, and yes, I believe it goes all the way back to the Garden, when Adam & Eve disobeyed God and sin and brokenness entered the world.

And with this was God’s will- His sovereign rule, which includes His perfect will, and His allowable will.

I’ve heard many struggle over the years with why God even allowed The Garden Incident to even happen if He is a God who truly loves…. we could have hours of conversation and discourse about this, but the simple and short answer for me is found in 1 John 4:8b, which says, “.. God is love.”

Because God is love, He didn’t create robots, He created beings made in His own image that He desires to have a relationship with, and a relationship that is forced isn’t really a love relationship, is it? There is evidence throughout the Bible that speaks of the relationship God desires with those He created. He doesn’t force the relationship, He doesn’t force any of us.  (great message that talks about this here)

And so there is room in our lives to go our own way. And in God’s will sometimes we go in accordance to His ways, sometimes we go our own way, and sometimes things happen for reasons we cannot understand —the “whys” that exist no matter how hard we try to understand and no matter how hard we want to understand.

And so I found myself there in that last category this past June when I was involved in a car accident. I started some serious wrestling with God about that accident, not understanding, and still not understanding why He would allow it to happen.

I knew and believed and completely trusted (and still do) in God’s sovereignty… and so I laid awake in bed at night wrestling through it with Him…. I was struck throughout my days unexpectedly, and would just wonder the WHYS…. but my absolute trust and belief in this aspect of God’s character kept me going, kept me persevering… when the flashbacks come to my mind, I run back to Him, in fact CLING to Him, telling Him I just don’t understand, but I will continue to trust in His greater plan, His greater purposes, knowing He’s working in me, and likely in ways I just can’t/won’t know about because I’m not God….and so I wrestled and wrestled and wrestled, and laid it back down at Jesus’ feet each time I picked it up, giving all that was going on inside of me back to Him over and over and over again….

So about 2 weeks later I found myself running down a dirt road in Consuelo, Dominican Republic, chasing after the group that had already left to go on home visits as part of our short term mission visit.

I didn’t catch up with the group, but did catch up with a friend who’d also left after the group. Together, we walked to catch up to our group that was in sight, but along the way we bumped into an old friend of ours, and our group entered a house unknown  to us as we visited with our friend and his mom.

After our visit, we walked along to find our group, and a boy on a motorbike pointed out the house they were in after we’d passed it and turned back.

We entered the very small house in which our group and the family members were tightly packed in. Though I don’t speak Spanish, I understood enough to know that our translator was talking about Christ with the lady who must’ve lived there. I could also tell the conversation was pretty intense based on his tone.

I was directly behind our translator, and at some point this woman came around to me, and we were face to face….during our conversation we grasped each others’ hands, as I shared my Jesus story with her, and about what He’d done for us…she listened intently, sometimes asking questions or adding her thoughts, when I asked her, “What is holding you back from surrendering to Christ?”

Did she believe us? I don’t know….I do know she has a story, something that brought her to that day in her home when virtual strangers entered in, and shared about Jesus with her, someone I’m confident she’s heard about from those in her community who also follow Jesus…. I believe she’s had a life filled with hardship, based on what my eyes could see… but she has a story, like I have a story, and you have a story…. and these are stories Jesus cares deeply about, and Jesus was in the midst of showing me His care for me, unbeknownst to me.

So back to that moment, when I asked her what was holding her back.

It was as if time stood still, when a voice chimed in of a sister in Christ standing in a corner of the room, a member of the local church we had come to work alongside that week, who was escorting us on our home visits… in that moment, when it was absolutely pin drop quiet, she spoke up saying,“Carol is the Compassion sponsor of her child.”

Remember, I joined the group after they’d left, and our escort had no idea I was joining the group.

If you could’ve been there, you would have known it was an absolutely holy moment. I know my eyes and the eyes of this precious woman’s who’s hands I still held immediately started flooding and spilling with tears….I’m pretty sure that many of us packed into that tiny house were crying, in awe of how God Almighty, in His sovereignty, had ordained this very moment in a tiny home in this village in the DR, a home “which happened” to be the very home of our Compassion child.

Only God.

Only God knew at that point in time of my internal struggle.

Only God knew I needed to know and understand His sovereignty in a deeper way.

It wasn’t an audible voice, but in that moment, the Holy Spirit spoke ever so clearly to me:

“Carol, I was sovereign in allowing that accident to happen in your life, and I’m sovereign in bringing you here today, right now, sharing about Me with this precious woman in a way that you would know deep in your spirit how very, very close I am right now, and will always be. Continue to trust Me, continue to believe everything you know about Me!”

Only God.

Flash forward not even a week later, when our team was blessed with the opportunity to share with a local church about what God had done in the DR.

When sharing this story I said,  “Though I struggle and have so many questions for God….HE IS SOVEREIGN!!”

And not a week later, I found myself living “That Saturday In July,”  found here.  After reading that link, if you so desire you can scroll down my FB wall to July 21, and see what God did this past July and beyond, into just a couple of weeks ago to December (FB profile here).

Nutshell version, my just turned 51 yr old husband went on a jog to the gym when I wasn’t home, and suffered a major heart attack along the way that was witnessed by no one but God Himself.

And was also allowed in His sovereign will.

Little did I know how God was preparing me all along for the hardest week I’d ever walk through as my husband fought for his life in which the circumstances said that he may very well not survive.

But God, in His sovereignty, was there every step of the way in His provision:

• the courageous Good Samaritan who called 911
• the speed in which the first responders arrived, and the outstanding skill they demonstrated in giving first aid to my husband
• The hospital he was taken to, with cutting edge cardiac care
• The exceptional care he was given by his doctors, nurses, and medical team
• The way God perfectly ordained just who I needed to see or hear from when my world was engulfed in darkness
• The astounding way He united His Church to intercede in prayer on behalf of Patrick and our family
• How in His sovereignty, and for reasons we don’t understand, He allowed Patrick to be miraculously healed and leave the hospital 9 days later after collapsing in that neighbor’s yard

 

These are just a few examples- if you were to read my journal, there are so many more!

“When you go through deep waters, I will be with you. When you go through rivers of difficulty, you will not drown. When you walk through the fire of oppression, you will not be burned up; the flames will not consume you. For I am the Lord, your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior…..you are precious to Me. You are honored, and I love you.   ‘Do not be afraid, for I am with you.’”    – Isaiah 43:2-3b, 4, 5a

And so SOVEREIGN is my word for 2018.

I wouldn’t be completely honest if I didn’t admit there were days when I caught myself saying, “I’m ready for this year to be over, God. Can we just get on with 2019?”

But in the midst of these times in the valley and on the mountaintop, I’ve come to know Jesus more deeply— still not understanding everything, but having a greater understanding of His sovereignty.  I’ve also come to not take each day for granted. I pray that I never return to knowing that in my head but not in my heart!

In the midst of these times, I’ve drawn closer to my Savior. I know Him in ways I wouldn’t know Him if He hadn’t sovereignly ordained my 2018 the way He did.

Am I excited about the fresh page turning into the new year?

You’d better believe I am!

Would I rather suffering wasn’t a part of our world? Of course I would! But I’ve learned personally, and through so many people I know that God moves powerfully in our lives as we turn to Him and trust Him and put our WHYS in His care.

I once heard a pastor say this about the Bible, and I believe should also be considered in regard to God:

“There are parts of it (the Bible) that I don’t fully comprehend and understand, but I’m not supposed to, because the Bible is a revelation of an infinite God, and no finite person is ever going to fully understand. If they do, their god is too small.”

Knowing I will never know or understand completely the Bible or the God of the Bible, I close out 2018 with my word  SOVEREIGN,  ready to ask God to give me a new word that draws me closer to Jesus and into a deeper relationship with Him.

I also acknowledge my God who does new things… my God who puts roads in the wilderness, and rivers in the desert…my God who can bring light to any darkness, who promises never to leave or forsake me, my God who brings dead things to life, makes beauty from ashes, and loves us so much He sent His Son as baby to live a perfect life as God and man, who willingly walked to a Roman cross to pay a price for sin that only He could pay.

Ecclesiastes 3:11 says that God has planted eternity in the human heart,

That eternity is for something that can only be filled by and through Him, and the invitation comes through His Son, Jesus Christ.

The wonder of why God would even do this astounds me!

What will your word be for 2019?

I’m leaning toward LOVE or INTENTIONAL— maybe both, as I want to be intentional about loving people where they are so I can share the hope that only comes through knowing Jesus Christ.  Maybe the word will be HOPE.

Looking forward, I JUST WANT TO KNOW! But that’s where the trust part comes in. So many words to consider, what is being placed upon your heart today?

Hope by Tenth Avenue North:

 

Labor Day Last Year

As probably anyone reading this already knows,  A LOT CAN HAPPEN IN A YEAR.

Some of you know the major life event my family walked through that began in July, but this is about another major life event that happened in our family this past year —– a young man asked my husband for our daughter’s hand in marriage.

We weren’t surprised though, we knew it was coming many months before…so many signs that Ben was The One.

My husband Patrick & I were not Christ followers when we married, so the course of events was very different for us.  When I was with  my Christian married friends, and I told them, “We’re pretty sure THIS is the guy!” they told me early on as things moved along, “Carol, when you know, you know!”

It was a sweet season of getting to know one another.

They met in a way only God could design, on Twitter, “tweeting” on a pastor’s twitter feed highlighting his new book.  Our daughter, Emily, started to follow Ben.  Ben checked out her profile, read her blog  (found here if you’re interested), and there you have it—they connect through app messaging, LONG conversations and face time talking…..and the next thing you know it, my college senior daughter is home for Christmas break, we’re giving one another a hug——a hug that is so unusually long I pull back and raise my eyebrow and ask her, “Em, are you ok?”

Her reply:  “There’s something I need to tell you.”

And after an hour long car ride where she says nothing, and a walk with our dog, Simon, where she says nothing, I stare at her from across the kitchen island and ask again, “Em, are you OKAY?!”

And then she spills, “I met someone…….. but not in a usual way.”

I ask her, “Does he love Jesus?”

“Yes,”  she says.

And I tell her that that’s all that matters, God can design a meeting any way He chooses.

Fast forward through their 1st time meeting at Niagara Falls, long drives and airplane rides between Louisville, KY and Houghton, NY, Ben face timing us long distance for our first official “meeting,”  visits to meet parents in Seattle & Pennsylvania, a move of cities for Ben to Em’s city to the day we get a text that says: “I’m definitely proposing to Em tomorrow.”  (fast heartbeats kick in!)

So before the proposal, one of the father’s responsibilities and privileges is to give the blessing for the young man to marry his daughter (this can be the mama’s role too, but tradition usually brings this to the father).

There are some really good questions out there to ask, and things to consider. If you google “Questions a father should ask the man who wants to marry his daughter,” you’ll find some.  Here’s one  and here’s another.

Patrick and I would like to add another list to the mix.. God just brought them to mind, one right after the other! So here you go, if you’re so inclined to use them:

We’ve been blessed with a wonderful son-in-law, and today we celebrate the day that Em said Yes! to Ben, to marry him, and we celebrate all the Lord will do in their lives that He brought together in His way of choosing, a pastor’s Twitter feed.  Only God. 😊

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Confessions from a Mama’s Heart, Pt.3

 

“The LORD has done great things for us, and we are filled with joy.”

 – Psalm 126:3

 

My Precious Emily,

Look what God has done!

Tomorrow is your Wedding Day….it is FINALLY almost here!

I’ve been trying to imagine what that day will be like from my “Mom’s Heart” perspective. I’ve imagined it in my mind….. my hope and prayer has been that the day doesn’t fly by too quickly, that I take several times throughout the day to “take a snapshot” in my heart and mind, adding it to my collection of the many memories I have treasured up all these years and pondered in my heart. There are so very many treasures to thank God for!

There was that exciting time one Christmas Eve, when your dad had to spring into action because you were ready to come into the world early.  I thought you might be a New Year’s baby, but God brought you into the world on the day humankind celebrates the birth His Son, Jesus.  You were the sweetest Christmas present!

By God’s grace, I’d run a fever during labor, and they rushed you off quickly to take care of you.  My heart hurt so badly when we had to leave you in the hospital to be treated for strep B for a week! I didn’t know Jesus then, but I’m sure I was thankful to God for sparing your life. His graciousness allowed time to watch you grow into the incredible young woman you’ve become and bring great joy to your dad’s & my hearts!

You loved to play, and you loved to sing and paint! Tea parties, puzzles, Disney movies, princess gowns, finger paints, sandboxes, bubbles, Barney, Zoe, Elmo, Little Gym, ballet, soccer, times at the park, wagon rides, dress up, board games, American girl, cooking in your kitchen…you were a busy girl! I can still hear your sweet little voice belting out the songs from “Mulan!”  J

You also loved to write….to this day, I find things you wrote: stories, diaries, journals, letters….I’m so sorry that darn tooth fairy never wrote back faithfully to you!  And to this day you write as a blogger, an idea that was birthed the very year you were born….I love to read what God has laid on your heart!

Preschool, then kindergarten….

I remember your first day of kindergarten— you were SO READY for school!  And that yellow bus showed up, and I wanted to chase after you and shout, “Wait! Bring her back! …and the house was quieter than it had been before… My little chatterbox was off to school, God readying you for so many wonderful plans He had…..Such  things are tucked away in this mom’s heart.

Then there was elementary school, those middle school years our family calls the “lost“ years…(I promise, no pics!).  Something had happened in your heart in those middle school years.….I believe that’s when you met and fell in love with Jesus, and began those first baby steps of following Him until high school came, in which some time in those years you decided to run His race for you passionately with all your heart.

It was such a special privilege for me to watch your faith in Jesus, your love for Jesus grow…to go with you on your first mission trip, when I remember standing back and watching you in that Consuelo school yard, laughing and playing with the children…I remember telling God, “I’m not sure what’s going on here, but I can see that you’re doing something special in her heart!”   That’s clearly the day when God started preparing this Mama for the reality that one day her sweet girl would leave, and go out into the world God was leading you into, even then.

And then I remember driving away from Houghton when we dropped you off your freshman year…Fighting the instinct and desire to turn around and go back…. I remember thinking how strikingly similar that moment was to the moment I’d wanted to chase after that school bus the day you left for kindergarten…. moments like these are still tucked away in my mom’s heart.

Also, the many breakfast and lunch dates, college car rides, walks, concerts, nail times, beach walks, phone calls, and so on…. cherished and held safely in this mom’s heart.

I think back as I write this, and wonder like most parents, “Where did the time go?”

Nearing your college graduation my heart leapt for joy when God blessed you with your dream job, the job you told me you wouldn’t get, you couldn’t get—that’s so like our God!

And then I remember the time you told me about a special young man named Ben that you’d met in an unconventional way through a pastor’s twitter feed, and then the whirlwind of meeting face to face, courting, meeting parents, moving to the same city, engagement, wedding planning, wedding dress shopping, and Whew!…here we’ve arrived to your wedding day eve.

And so, my heart and mind goes back to how I imagine this day…..what a blessing to share it with you, it’s something I’m not taking for granted!

My heart skips a little, and I have to catch my breath when I think about turning around and seeing you down that aisle on the arm of your father….I know it’s all good, though, because  I’ve seen Ben’s face as he looks at you, I see how he leads you,  and cares for you, and I know he will cherish you as I’ve watched you respect him…..I know when I turn to see you in your wedding gown, that I’ve already seen Ben’s face when he’s entered the sanctuary, and I know that this is the day that the Lord has made,  that only God could’ve made, because He is the good and gracious God who brought you together!

I’ve been thinking often these recent days about mom hearts, and when we hold that precious baby, or toddler or child or teen in our arms over the many seasons of life…joyful seasons and sorrowful seasons, and everything in between…. And so, the baby girl I held in my arms those many years ago is now about to be a beautiful bride, your life becoming united with Ben’s as you both unite with Christ! Loving one another as you journey through life with God going before you.  There will be peaks and valleys, for sure, but starting this marriage journey with Jesus is the best way to travel! Remember that great is His faithfulness, and that praise God! His mercies are new every single morning. It is my heart cry that you will love and cherish one another in such a way that can only be done by relying on Christ in the midst of everyday life and seasons of struggle…. Remembering that God’s great purpose in our lives is to make us holy, not happy…. In times where you seem to be on separate sides, meet in the middle, where Jesus is! May both Ben & you lift your eyes, shift your eyes, however they need to move to the Mountain Mover who promises never to leave you or forsake you! It’s a promise you can take not only to the bank, but into Eternity.  May your marriage bring much glory to your Savior, Jesus Christ!

 

 

This mom’s heart is full today.  Full of love and overflowing with joy, ever grateful to God for all that He has done. May God richly bless you and Ben, my sweet and precious girl! I can’t wait to see where He will take the two of you together as you trust in Him!

 

 

How Big Is Your Obedience?”

“How Big is Your Obedience?”

These words have been resonating, bouncing around my brain for almost a week now.  I was serving with a team from my local church in the Dominican Republic, and Pastor Julio, the local pastor of Iglesia Monte de Sion, was giving us a tour of all that God was doing in the community of Consuelo.  As he spoke to us those words spilled out of his mouth, “How big is your obedience?”

We had seen the children’s school,  the bakery, the water plant, the vocational school…..God is using His church to not only meet the physical needs of the people here, but to show those who don’t follow Jesus His Church in action.  They are living out the Gospel that saved them to others in their community.  As physical needs are met, God sometimes opens doors immediately, and sometimes over time relationally to share the message and hope found only through knowing Jesus Christ.

After we were blessed with savory donuts made in the bakery, Pastor Julio led us out of the vocational school, and walked us across the street.

He opened a tin gate to the property……you couldn’t really tell what was behind it, for it was lined on both sides with trees.  Behind the gate and trees, was what our team called the Secret Garden.  Rows of trees and plants were there—children were being taught how to grow and tend a garden, a skill that would help to sustain them, just as those who attended the vocational school were being taught a trade with which they could work to support themselves and their families.  I know that along with the practical teaching they are also learning about Jesus Christ–Who He is, and what He’s done, for this is a place where Jesus Christ gets all the glory—“Gloria Dios” were words we  heard often.

I can’t put it any better than my team mate, Lindsay, did on her Instagram post:

“We returned home from the Dominican Republic on Saturday after serving with World Servants in the village of Consuelo for 8 days. I have been wanting to share something about our experience but have seriously been struggling to find the words. Nobody wants to read a super long post so this is all I will say – I saw the church. The church that I read about in scripture – functioning as the life-giving center of the community. It was one of the greatest privileges of my life to see and participate in this kingdom advancing model. Meeting the community’s immediate and urgent needs by establishing a fruit & vegetable garden {which truly was a rare sight given the rocky/pale condition of the soil}, a bakery, a water purification center, and a vocational school all on premise and all with the goal to establish intentional and real relationships that ultimately lead to the receiving of the living water poured out by Jesus Christ. It was amazing.” 

God uses those who are willing to be a part of His Kingdom work in small and large ways.  Our team being in Consuelo for a week is a small way.  What He is doing through Pastor Julio and the local church in Consuelo is a large way.  It’s a divine mystery, to be used by Him, for He doesn’t need us to do anything.  He could do it all by Himself, for He is God, and He is able.

Why might He use us?  There are SO many reasons! Nutshell reason is to bring glory to His Son, Jesus Christ.  And through this, He draws others into His Kingdom, and makes His children more and more into His image.

There is so much in the Bible that reveals His purposes in this earthly life and beyond.  I encourage you to dive deeply into His very words, the Bible—it’s an invitation to us to know Him, a precious gift for His children to know how to live, and a demonstration of His deep love for you and me.

It is my prayer that we, the Church, would strive to live as God desires– we have failed in many ways in years past, but He is a God of many chances, and His Church in the U.S. is beginning to see where we’ve moved in our own power and abilities, and failed to move in His power, and His abilities.

I look around, and I am deeply encouraged.  Last week’s trip and our city missions in Bethlehem make my heart swell with joy.  God is teaching me to surrender anew with each passing day, and calling me to a deeper surrender in yielding to Him my plans, as I learn to be patient (SO HARD!) and trust in His.

So we’re left with Pastor Julio’s (really God’s) challenge:

How big is my/your obedience to the God who gave everything in His Son Jesus Christ? 

 Time is short, and Jesus is coming.

What will He find each of us doing when He returns?

Our lives are but a mist.  Will they count for our pleasure and comfort, or for God’s glory?  May God fill our hearts and minds with a desire and love to follow Him radically into a world that needs to see and hear the message of Christ! There is a deep mistrust of Christians out there—those who don’t follow Christ need to see the Church BE the Church of Scripture! Gandhi said,

“I like your Christ, I do not like your Christians. Your Christians are so unlike your Christ.”

We MUST start looking like our Christ in how we live, as well as in how we speak!

        

A friend once asked me this haunting question:  Would our community miss our church if the doors closed today?

I have no doubt that the community of Consuelo would miss Iglesia Monte de Sion, for this church is living out the Gospel in a way that can only be done in the power of the Holy Spirit, to the glory of God.

May we, the Church in the U.S., get on our knees and ask God how He might use us within our own communities to meet and love others sincerely, right where they are, with His love, caring for them and loving them as Christ first loved us.

Where is God calling YOU to Go, to share the love of Christ with others?

 

 “The place God calls you to is the place where your deep gladness and the world’s deep hunger meet.” 

—Frederick Blechner

And if He is stirring your heart to get on an airplane and serve Him beyond your borders?  By all means, Go!  God blesses obedience in ways we cannot imagine or measure, whether it’s in our backyard, or beyond our borders. We must remember Jesus is always faithful: “The One who calls you is faithful, and He will surely do it.” (1 Thessalonians 5:24) We also must remember Jesus  is worthy.  “Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God—this is your true and proper worship.” (Romans 12:1)

I will always be grateful that I followed Jesus into places called Lynfield and Consuelo and Consuelito and Kali.  ❤ He’s changed my heart in ways I truly believe wouldn’t have happened had I not followed Him.  Every time I’ve stepped out of fear into faith…every time I’ve stepped out of my own abilities and trusted in His abilities…I’ve been blessed by seeing His Spirit move in ways I never would’ve seen, and I’ve been blessed with a greater glimpse of His heart, and of His character….and did I mention the JOY He gives in this?   There’s a cost to following Jesus, but the joy we receive is like no other.  Don’t miss out on His joy!  Like the song goes, “I found my life, when I laid it down.”

“Then Jesus told His disciples, “If anyone would come after Me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow Me. For whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for My sake will find it.” –Matthew 16:24-25

“Touch the Sky” – Hillsong UNITED  “I found my life, when I laid it down”

“One Last Car Ride”

We said goodbye to our schnauzer, Simon this past Friday….It’s just been under 7 months that we said goodbye to our other schnauzer, Susie.

I’d dropped Simon off at the vet for a glucose curve on Friday morning, expecting to pick him up at the end of the day….but as some days go, this day didn’t end as expected.

Earlier in the week Simon had a day when he didn’t seem to feel well, but then he bounced back for a few days, until Thursday, when he had a rough night—he was up for most of the night, drinking a lot of water….I thought we’d get his insulin dose adjusted, and then we’d come home, his time with us not just over yet.

Our vet called us Friday afternoon with the news that Simon’s rough night had turned into Simon’s rough day, and after discussing some options, I asked that question….”But maybe it’s time?”  (pause) “Yes,” she said, “Maybe it’s time.”

Enter instant choke up and tears.  Even when you know you will probably say goodbye soon, you’re just not ready when the reality arrives.

I always said Simon was our smart dog, and Susie had good instincts.  Simon was also our mischievous one. I can hear myself saying, “Simon, OFF!”  as he’d jump up to beat the closing lid on the trash can to pull out some treasure.  He’s the dog who’d rip up the tissues, find the chocolate, as well as the sugarless gum with the deadly “x” ingredient….he’d eaten a lot of that gum, and it never did him in! And then there was the Christmas we landed at the doggie ER because he had jumped on a table in my parents’ backyard, and when jumping off, ripped out a nail.  Oh, Simon.

But even with his mischief, he was the dog who was always close by me- always by my feet (sometimes I’d trip over him when I turned, not realizing he was there!), or next to me on the couch, or by my side at night—he was a snuggler.  I’ll never forget the day I brought him home…it didn’t take long for him to steal my heart! I remember when he was a pup, him laying on my chest, snuggling from the get go. Puppy love at first sight!

I’ve been studying the Gospel of Jesus Christ According to John this year, and it’s all about love.  Jesus, the Word made flesh, fully God, fully man, God with us, showing us how to love in Word and deed, and ultimately demonstrating the greatest kind of love, sacrificial love, on the cross for sinners- that would be you, and me.  I’ve always called this Gospel my favorite love letter, because when I studied it 8 years ago, I think it’s when I fell deeply in love with Jesus. 🙂 Jesus’ love IS love in action- when people encountered Him when He walked the earth, and when they encounter Him today, they come to know the cost He paid for love. They come to know why He died- because of His great love for them personally. [Romans 5:8]

I mentioned in my previous blog how I believe God gives us snapshots of who He is in His Creation.  Some are so stunning and glorious (think ocean, mountains, sunrises, sunsets), and some are simpler-like the way a dog loves you.  Now, the way God loves His children is infinitely more than the way a dog loves his humans.  But there is that gentle glimpse of unconditional love we receive as a gift from the One who created these beautiful creatures.  Dogs love in action.  You know when you’re with them, they just want to be with you, whether you’re playing with them, feeding them, walking them, or just sitting together.

God has blessed me with many good distractions these past 48 hours or so since we said goodbye to Simon, so I haven’t been around the house much to see the shadows of where he should be.  But I’ve seen them, and if you’ve ever had a pet you’ve loved, then you know the way my heart tugs when I look at where he usually lays, or I think “I need to put Simon out,” or, “It’s time for me to feed Simon,“ and then I realize, no, I don’t get to do that anymore.

I miss him, and my heart tugs hurt.  We knew it was the right time to say goodbye- at the end of the day, we knew he was hanging on for us.  We had to tell him, “It’s ok to go to sleep and rest”—and then those words they love to hear, “You’re a good boy, the BEST dog, we love you SO much!”

Goodbye to you, my mischievous, loving little fur ball- Thanks for loving us with 13 years of unconditional love.  I told William, “It hurts for now, but remember, loving them is always worth it!”

Love always has a cost- it’s smaller with our precious pets, so much greater when we lose people we love.

And as Good Friday and Easter Sunday will soon be here, I look to the cost Jesus paid on the cross—–“For God so loved the world, that He gave His only Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have eternal life.” [John 3:16]

The cost for Jesus was great, but I know He would say the cost was worth it, because He is a God of grace and love.  If you don’t know Jesus, and you’re reading this, He is drawing you to Him, and wants to offer you forgiveness and peace that can come only through Him- the hope of heaven in which He is the only Way.  [John 14:6]   A great place to start is by reading the Gospel According to John, the greatest love letter ever written. Ask Him to help you understand His Word, and He will. “God did this so that they would seek Him and perhaps reach out for Him and find Him, though He is not far from any one of us.  ‘For in Him we live and move and have our being.” [Acts 17:27-28a]

As I walked out to the van with Simon Friday evening to return to the animal hospital, I came to a dead stop just before getting in.  I remembered how on road trips, Simon would usually be on my lap or by my feet, and I was suddenly struck that this would be my one last car ride with him.  I was also struck by the comfort and tender love of my Savior, the one who’d gifted me with Simon, and the One who was with me as I went to say goodbye to my puppy.

Enough said.  “You’re a good boy, Simon, the BEST dog.”  Words every dog loves to hear.

From a novel I once read: “There is often a grief that comes with loving. But it is worth it.”*

 Thanks again for 13 wonderful years, Simon. I love you. ❤

 

*from Zion Chronicles, Book 3

 

My Snuggle Bug, Susie :)

“Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, Who does not change like shifting shadows. “  –James 1:17

 

My heart is hurting…..and no, it’s nowhere near the same as when we lose a beloved person. It’s not a wailing kind of pain experienced in losing a spouse, a child, a parent, a sibling, a friend, any loved one….And I don’t mean to minimize the pain of those of you out there who miss a beloved pet so much your heart still hurts years after they have gone….I think it is ok to acknowledge pain comes in this life in different forms, different degrees…Me, today I’m experiencing it because I miss my sweet dog, Susie.  We left our vet’s office just hours ago….I’m so grateful God gave me 24 hours to process that she was dying of kidney failure…He let me go through all of the steps I needed to go through from our vet’s call to us while we were shopping in Target yesterday, to waking up this morning after a very restless sleep with Susie beside me all night, and knowing this very morning that today would be the day we said goodbye, and not Monday, as we’d planned.  I told my boys, “This is the only part that stinks about having a pet!”

Now I am very much a “dog” person.  I like cats, but I’ve always had dogs and loved dogs.  I believe God gives me glimpses of His character through His Creation- His beauty in a sunrise or sunset, His power in a storm, His vastness in the sky or the ocean….just to give a few examples…. I’ve become convinced that we get glimpses of His faithfulness and love displayed through dogs.  Dogs are the most faithful creatures I know.  They love you no matter what, with the exception of someone who abuses them~ and their faithfulness to the abuser stops only after repeated abusing.  Dogs are always happy to see us, usually happy to snuggle, or simply be with us, always loving us.  They are loyal and faithful and loving, and just amazing creatures! So I look at my dogs and see a snapshot of God’s faithfulness, only His faithfulness can be magnified to the umpteenth time….It is who He is!

I didn’t have my quiet time with God this morning, b/c I spent a lot of time hugging Susie, and whispering to her how much I loved her, and telling her what a good dog she is….something simple that every dog  loves to hear….They probably don’t know what we are saying, but I think they love to hear it!  I did do a lot of talking with God the last 24 hours, and He is my comfort, along with my family who loved her so much….I believe God hurts with us in the small and the large hurts and everything in between…. I am so very grateful to know Jesus in such a way that I know He knows the depths of what is going on in my heart right now….I hate the fact that there is sin and pain in this present world, but I am so thankful to know that the best is yet to come for those who love Jesus Christ….It is my heartfelt prayer that if you don’t know the love of Christ that you would very soon….I live for the day when the promise of Revelation 21: 4 unfolds…This promise of God’s says Jesus “will wipe every tear from their eyes, and there will be no more death or sorrow or crying or pain. All these things are gone forever.” Knowing God has a 100% accuracy rate in keeping His promises, I can keep my eyes lifted to Him through every hurt or disappointment or heartache that comes from this temporary world, and choose to focus on Who God is, and the revelation of Himself He has blessed me with through His Word, and through a relationship with His Son, looking forward to Eternity with Him.

So today while I am still off and on blubbering as I go through the house and see where my sweet Susie used to be, I remember how she guarded “HER yard….” Rushing out to warn or greet whoever might be on her sidewalk….I remember how she loved to play fetch with her blue ball….I remember how her ears made a flopping sound whenever she shook her head really fast…. I remember how her “Dumbo” ear would sometimes stick straight up when she was sleeping….I remember how she came into Simon’s house as a sweet little pup and informed Simon right away that she was here now, and she was in charge!….I remember how she just loved me and I loved her….I remember how Ryan used to say, “Susie is smiling!” ..and she WAS! 🙂 ….I remember her trotting through the yard she loved to spend time in, and enjoying the shady spot where she laid in the cool grass….

I’m going to miss my sweet, precious, faithful, loving, scruffy, spunky Susie, for sure…I called her my “snuggle bug”…. I know the heart hurts will fade over time, as a friend lovingly reminded me “With time and love it will hurt a little less. Till one day all you remember are the happy memories you made with her.”  I’m thankful to my Abba Father who blessed me with having her in my life for 12 years, along with the other loyal dogs I’ve been blessed to love and have love me in return…..God is the Giver of every good gift, and He is my good, good Father who also says “The steadfast love of the LORD never ceases; His mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness.”

So when I miss seeing her chasing birds in our yard, or I miss her when we go for walks with Simon or when I miss seeing her sleep in her special spot on the couch or on her bed….I’ll try to remember the goodness of God in loving me so much by giving me simple sweet gifts called dogs to be a part of my life…. I know my heart will not always hurt, for I’ve said goodbye to other beloved dogs, but for this day, it really, really hurts….But the love and thankfulness I feel for having had my sweet Susie far outweighs the hurt.  Goodbye, my sweet Susie…Thank you for being such a very good, very special dog….I love you!